While waiting for our new Internet connection to be established at home, Phil and I have ventured to the coffee house for free 'net and not so free coffee. Phil is showing Amos around the place and letting people gawk at him. Meanwhile, this is what I'm hearing from the guy next to me on the phone...
"Yeah. He's just not on board. He's a sinking ship."
"Well, I'm down the wire here. My game is off. His method isn't entering our agenda."
"By some miracle, he'll come back and get into the circle. I'm not banking on it."
"We need the capital and the commerce. He just doesn't want to put his name on it."
"Lots of discussions today, but he's just not gelling."
"Okay, Al. Enjoy your tennis game."
UGH. How many more mixed metaphors and crappy biz-lingo jargons can this guy throw in? I am having convulsions just trying not to scream over his conversation. If only he had thrown in words like "paradigm shift" or "team effort" or perhaps "planogram." I suspect he's listened to way too many motivational speeches from Tony Robbins. Come into the circle and embrace the team. Hug it out.
I ran a business, and I didn't talk like this guy. I'm not sure how that would have improved things for me if I had entered the paradigm shift or the quantum leap. I used my big girl voice, but I didn't try to master some other biz-speak in order to impress folks. Then again, I was in the natural products arena that is full of laid back hippies and yoga enthusiasts.
I still have no idea what he does, but I think it's best that I not. I do know that he shakes the heck out of the community table we are sharing, and that's really annoying.
I guess I'm a little cranky at the coffee house. Heh. I'm not one to talk, I guess. I'm the lady with the giant stroller in the coffee shop, possibly annoying others with my large contraption.
Phil says folks just complimented Amos on his haircut. Thank you, coffee patrons.
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Update: He's one the phone with "Sweetie" now. His voice is totally different. He's down and out. He's under the weather without a paddle. He is stretched to the outer limits and other mixed metaphors.
Ouch.
He just said, "Are we having dinner as a family?"
It was so sad the way he said it. Okay, Coffee Dude. You've made me sad for you. Go home to Sweetie and have a gin and tonic. Maybe tomorrow you can put a plug in that sinking ship.
10 beautiful people muttered something back:
Yep, a lot of distractions spending an afternoon working in the coffee shop. On the other hand, they must be brewing their coffee stronger than we do at home because I got a lot of work done while I was here. Thank you, caffeine!
When I worked a corporate job I DREADED our Monday Morning Meeting because I had to listen to a shit-ton (technical term) of that nonsense and pretend to appreciate it. I wish I still had my notes from one of those meetings. Oh, the crap I doodled in the margins!
Isn't it funny how it all sounds the same? I'm in non-profit, and we still have those kinds of conversations. In the context of the moment, it makes sense to us, but as an observer, it's a parody. A few of us used to play "meeting lingo bingo" and had a little (secret) sheet with all those words. You mark off the square when you hear one, and then bingo (by saying "I'm so on board with that") if you get a straight line.
Either way...I'm happy to have a good job that I enjoy going to, so I'll bear with the lingo. :)
free wi-fi rocks!
I think the one that would have caused full scale armageddon would be "He's not following the Six Sigma". Or is that too out of date now?
So is this the coffee you were going to suggest we meet up at after reading my DM on Twitter asking about meeting up for coffee? If so I am so there and I will strike up a pseudo-conversation with that guy about his deal and his babe.
Apparently I don't want your commenters looking at my blog since I didn't put my url on that last comment. Maybe I will this time...
Not that they will look at my blog, but you never know I guess. Also, it gives me a reason to leave you lots of comments.
"Are we having dinner as a family?"
He is so going to be living in his car by the end of the month. Also sweetie will be know as "that bitch"
Perhaps he just needs to speak off line with this guy and leverage his capabilities to make him realize that his competencies need to be a little more world class and innovative.
::gag::
You've given me my first smile of the day. Thank you!
BTW - I've bestowed the coveted Van Gogh's Ear award upon you. Stop by my blog for the details. :)
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