Writing 'scripts in an RV

I've had an odd time lately since the passing of my mom. (Oh no! She's talking about that again!) Apparently, death creates change. Or, in my case, a head full of ideas that have nowhere to go. I'm thinking of the future, and here are random ideas that have popped into my head.

• Phil and I should sell the house and travel in an RV for the rest of our lives, just like Six for the Road. We'll go town to town, up and down the dial. Phil will perform comedy in random towns and nudist camps while I make goldfish jewelry (yes, from real goldfish). Amos will learn the true carnie lifestyle. Happiness will abound.

• You think I'm joking, but here are but some of the lil' cuties I'm considering for our vagabond life: How about an Airstream? An Oliver? A Scamp? Roundin' it out in an R-Pod? Teardropping the T@B? Whoa bam TADA?

• Another option considered: Going to pharmacy school to learn to legally deal drugs to old people. It will only take four years of my life plus $40,000 - $100,000 in tuition. Then, I can rake in $95,000+ a year while wearing a smock in Walmart. Woo! Live the dream!

• Another option: Learn to make jewelry. See above goldfish reference.

• Another option: Actually committing to the blog and making it worth reading. Heh.

• Another option: Become a travel journalist as trained by The Travel Channel. I could become a female Bear Grylls or some such, creating "Woman Versus Wild". Watch me strip naked and do pushups in the Himalayas!

• Get a job of some sort that allows me to work from home. You may offer suggestions now.

• Forget it all and eat chocolate.

Hello, carbon monoxide. The air, the air is everywhere.

Random, as you seem to like it.

• Every Tenacious D song is exactly the same. Kind of heavy metal Renaissance Festival music. Kudos, Jack Black, for building a career on the same tune.

• The furnace repair guy showed up yesterday at our request. We are not technically in danger of carbon monoxide - yet. This brings me to one of my favorite songs from the movie Hair, which is better than the stage musical Hair and much better than any school play version of Hair you were ever in. Also, it has Treat Williams. Your school play did not have Treat Williams. Although, I would really like to go to any school that has the balls to put on Hair. (Is that a joke? I think I'll make it one.)

• No, I don't know what cataclysmic ectoplasm is, but I sure would like to find out.

• Amos has grasped the idea of Santa Claus firmly in his toddler mind trap. Dude, I'm screwed.

• When a child sleeps with you every night, sometimes there is needed maneuvering of said child to a crib for a sacred hour or so whilst the parents get some business time. Then, the business time players must not wake the cribbed child during business hours. It is very strange and a bit of a blow to the mojo to have to move an inert body in order to get it on with my husband.

• Remember when I said I wouldn't drink wine while on the diet? I lied.

Don't eat the Jenga

That's what I said today. I'm not sure there will ever be another time I say that in my life, unless I take Amos back to the coffee house when he's teething.

Today, I ventured out of the house to the park and for coffee (and slobbery Jenga). Yesterday, I allowed a neighbor AND a repairman to saunter through my home while it was moderately clean.

It's like I'm alive again.

I'm enjoying my sassy new cut. It needs to be unleashed upon the masses. I need to go somewhere every day to clear my head and get back to being a person again. That, my friends, is the plan. Being a person is important, no?

We put up the Christmas tree and the Santa that my mom knitted oh so many years ago. Everyone in my immediate family has a knitted Santa, just like the one we had when we were kids.

Here is Amos with his buddy Santa last year.

I think I needed to put up the tree. I needed Knitted Santa to wink at me. I needed Gardening Santa to grace the top of the tree. I needed a bit of Christmas cheer in my gullet.

Christmas cheer, by the way, must come in the form of thoughts and deeds rather than Jesus juice. I'm on the diet again, as you may know, and that does not include tasty Pinot Noir or any of my other fermented friends. Steering away from booze while grieving and being a hermit does not make the process any easier, but alas, that is how it is to be. At least I'll be skinny and grieving. Heh.

It hasn't been easy to find places to go with Amos while the temps are in the single digits and there's snow everywhere. A friend suggested this place, called Monkey Bizness. We just might do it.

Another place that Amos loves a little too much is crawling on the giant plastic food play area at Cherry Creek Mall. They have this going on as well. Perhaps I'll let Amos ogle Santa without actually placing the tot on some fat guy's lap. I hear that Santa is scaring the bejeebus out of toddlers these days. Although, considering how hilarious those photos are, I just might need to scar Amos for a few minutes.

And blah blah blah. Time for tea.

Damn you, Natalie Portman

For making me use the scissors again. She's too cute with her tiny haircuts and tiny ways.



I'm back to the shorty cut. I think I like it. At least now I can look okay using tiny hair pins.

Okay. I'm now done with the hair talk.

Maybe I can tape it back on

I might regret this. I might not.

For reference...

I have bangs, people.


BANGS!!!!

Steady as she goes

I haven't much inclination to write. I think you can understand why. Or, maybe you don't. No one really knows how to act when crap things happen. You just are.

So, instead of focusing on any one thing, here is a collection of randomness that I've had under my thinking cap for a spell. Enjoy.

• I find great pleasure in checking my voice mail, only to be asked to resave the following message from many months ago: "WHAT THE HELL?! *click*" It was a wrong number, and it's some old man, sounding very much like Grandpa from "The Simpsons", apparently frustrated with my greeting. Granted, it was a long one as it was still my old business greeting, but isn't it odd that he listened to the whole thing and then decided to curse at a stranger? What a wonderful and silly gift he gives me every month.

• Amos has new and delightful ways to entertain us lately. He will sometimes only eat if he is presented with a fingerbowl of water and some items to dip in it. The latest favorites are floating letters and numbers that are meant for bath time. He loves to dip the letters, say, "DISSH? DISSH?" which means, "This?" as in "What's this, Mama?" While he marvels at the letters, somehow we manage to shove a whole meal into his piehole. Simply amazing.

• Another Amos-ism comes right from my own past. We dug up a treasure trove of toys at my parents' house, and amongst the pile was my giant doll, Mikey. He's this big fella with a giant head, a serious case of hair loss, and red suspenders. Amos thinks Mikey is The Shit. He talks to Mikey, feeds him, feels his strange plastic hands, and gives him a binky when appropriate. At times, we use Mikey to ease Amos into a nap. At times, we peek in and find Amos straddling Mikey's face and bouncing the crap out of him. I wonder if this Amos' way of telling us, "Yeah, you see this? Expect this behavior if you decide to have another kid."

• In my quest to find solace and peace while I have retreated from the world, I decided to use a bit of mad money. I went crazy and bought a Wii. Yes, I have fallen to the calling of Nintendo and their ding dang invention that makes people look like they are in the midst of a seizure as they virtually bowl or ski or throw the controllers at the TV. My precious arrives Thursday. You can definitely expect radio silence from me from that day forward.

• Snow. Cold. Started my diet again. Losing weight makes me cold, so I have to throw on extra blankets or strap the cat to my feet. But I look fabulous.

• And so do you.