Step right up and kiss the bacteria

I come to you in Dial-Up-O-Vision. It will take 5 thousand years to write this and post it, but gosh darn it, that's exactly how much time I have out here in the middle o' nowhere.


So, yes. We did not attend the Unicorn fest. After I wrote the last blog, Phil and I decided to buy up some Rudy's BBQ (because it is DEEEEE-licious). On the way from Schlotzsky's to Rudy's, I noticed a Texas Med Clinic.


Conveniently, we were able to get wireless Internet, bbq, a doctor's exam for my hooha, and a Wal-Mart prescription all within a few highway exits of each other. Ain't Texas grand?


Thank you, Schertz/Selma and Interstate 35, for your hospitality.


The med clinic snubbed our insurance (*shakes fists in the air*), but what are you going to do when you are nowhere near your home and bacteria have taken refuge in your bladder? A(n) urine test showed that I was positive for nitrites and white blood cells and negative for pregnancy (happy anniversary, Phil). The positive thingies meant that I am most likely fighting a yucky wee beastie up in my pee parts. The exam indicated that I did not have beasties in my kidneys - yet. So, now I am ingesting a lovely antibiotic that I am reluctantly taking despite my fervent previous declarations against antibiotics.


Why did I change my tune for this situation?


Well...


Normally, when I've had urinary tract infections (and I'm sure you want to know this), a load of caprylic acid, uva ursi, and cranberry pills would do the trick. The current situation was not clearing up with my usual arsenal of natural remedies. I believe I was infected by an emergency room nurse/attendant.


Did I mention that I went to the emergency room a few weeks ago? Oh, yeah.


So, a few weeks ago, I was having roving burning/tingling sensations in my right leg behind my knee, in my arms, and my chest. Despite not having any swelling, it could have been an indication of a blood clot. I became increasingly worried. Phil took me to the hospital. I had said the magic words - "chest pain." So, they hooked me up to an EKG, inserted an IV, and monitored every vital including the stock market.


To test for blood clots, they needed a blood and urine sample. Unfortunately for me, I was having my lady time of the month. They needed a lady time interference-free pee sample, so instead of letting me pee into a cup, they insisted on inserting a catheter into my bladder. I allowed it. It hurt like all get out. Despite cleaning my parts with iodine, I suspect that the overworked nurse/attendant inadventantly introduced bacteria directly into my bladder when she inserted the catheter.


Yay for me.


So, imagine my worry. Was it just bacteria from my own body that she introduced into my bladder? Did she send some super-resistant hospital strain of E.coli or pneumococcal bacteria or rickets or scurvy or tennis elbow up my bladder? Could it have been butt bacteria (yes, I'm going to stick to that term) from the lady next to me who was having the most awful diarrhea ever to encounter an emergency room? Her fumes were so loud and full of body that I think they could have carried a jetliner from across the room.


So, not knowing exactly which beastie was having a party in my bladder (let's hope it's not butt bacteria from the "gastro-lady"), I relented and allowed my body to encounter antibiotics.


Yes, I'm feeling better.


In other news, Amos managed to pick up a stomach virus from somewhere (*shakes fists at Texas*). His explosive baby parts are beginning to resemble Gastro-Lady. Thankfully, he is better today.


Oh, and I didn't have a blood clot. I was diagnosed with paresthesia - abnormal burning/tingling sensations. Um. Yeah. That's what I said when I went in there. So, I go in with burning/tingling and come out with a bladder infection. Thank you, health care. They said to follow up with a doc and find out if it could be related to the Bell's Palsy I had as a teen, or it could be early signs of multiple sclerosis. Yay for me.


In light of our recent health woes, I'm beginning to think that Texas dislikes me just as much as I do her (him?). Perhaps I should stop shaking my fists so much in the general direction of this state. The eyes of Texas are upon me (and my bladder).