That's what I'll be yelling tonight, if my kidneys cooperate.
Or maybe I'll yell, "Get off the field, you pussy peace corp mutha effahs!"
Tonight, perhaps, I will support the New Braunfels Unicorns (yes, Unicorns) as they smear the Lee High School Volunteers. My urinary tract infection has possibly traveled to my kidneys, so I am sore and tender and not feeling my best. But, when faced with the opportunity to make the sign of the unicorn (which I made up and tease my nephew with - holding my arm out over my head like a unicorn horn), I must do my duty to watch Texas high school football.
Unless my kidneys explode. Then all bets are off.
We are once again at the Schlotzsky's stealing their beautiful Internetz. Amozsky is once again eating cheesecake. Someday, he will be 10 years old and weigh 300 pounds, and we'll say, "Yes, but we had to buy something in order to use the Internet, so you must eat this cheesecake."
I lost almost 2 lbs since writing my sad tale of little weight loss yesterday. I guess when I threaten my metabolism with bodily harm, it bucks up. I didn't realize that my body needed a drill sergeant.
Blah blah blah. I'm in Texas.
Tell me a story. Anything. For the love of all that is Texan, for Pete's sake. TELL ME A STORY.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Smear the Volunteers
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8 beautiful people muttered something back:
I'm not even sure Amos will eat enough cheesecake to make it to 20 pounds, but if you're concerned, we'll try to make Buffalo Wild Wings internet work for us next week, and Amos and I will drink Shiner Bock while we enjoy the free Wifi.
Now let's get some Rudy's brisket and head to the football game! It's Friday night in Texas, y'all! I'd suggest a wild crime spree, but we'd be easy to spot since we might be driving the only Subaru Outback within 100 miles.
So last week I got an email from a friend about another friend who needed to find a home for her dogs. Two dogs, sisters, border collies. So I called my friend, not the one who sent the email, the one with the dogs, and I told her if she didn't find a home for them by doggy d-day I would foster them if she registered them with the rescue group. So the week goes by and my friend calls. Her dogs have found a home, but her big, old dog that she is keeping needs a place to crash for 5 weeks until she can move in to her new place. So I say, sure. She can crash with us. I say this without asking my husband but he was in Paris France without me so I don't really care too much. Anyway, dog comes to stay with us on Monday night and proceeds to be slightly freaked out. Tuesday morning kids got school and I got work, so dogs go out in the yard and me and kids get in the van and drive away. I come home for a brief while to finish gathering things for workday to commence and then once again, dogs go out in yard and I go to work. I meet work partner at meeting place to commence working and realize that 2 key elements of successful work related materials are not present and accounted for. I apologize to work partner but we must return to my house to complete the phase one of the work day. So we drive. Turn the corner in front of my house and see dog who is crashing at my pad for 5 weeks coming up the road. YIKES! Then I see the big whole she tore in the fence to make her free roaming possible. Only she didn't want to roam free. She wanted to get in my car. So I open the door and she hops in and parks her butt. In the meantime the dog that actually lives with me full time, I guess you could call her my roommate comes toodling around from the side of the yard. She was out too and thinks the new dog is fucking crazy but kinda cool for letting her out of the back yard and all. Anyway, I call my friend and tell her she will have to come get the dog because I have no where to keep her now that she has eaten through the fence. Friend comes, cries, and generally is freaking out. Turns out one of the border collies mauled its new dog friend at its new house and she has to pick up that dog too. So we talk, and I say I have a big kennel in the garage but it's kind janky from my crazy dog always escaping from it otherwise I would try to keep her in there. My friend says, Oh she loves her kennel! And her blanket! Why don't I go get those and bring her back tonight and fix your fence. Great idea says I! So I go to work, everything works good, dog comes back with big kennel, happy blanket and benadryl. 2 benadryls later dog is passed out, fence is fixed and life resumes to normal. 3 days later she's off the benadryl and has taken over the couch. She still goes in the kennel when we leave but other than that she's a-okay. I think I will blog this now, since I haven't blogged lately. Hope you enjoy the story!
I don't have a story (unusual, I know) but glad to hear y'all are surviving, maybe even making the best of..Texas. I hope your mother is feeling better soon.
and please oh please get to a doctor for that infection. "Spread to kidneys" is not to be messed with :0 Hope you are better soon also!
oops - I meant to sign my name
mmmmmm shiner bock...love it...well this weekend we are having a derby game...maybe you could check one out?...there are several then you could make that unicorn sign and not feel so out of place...they might pick you up and parade you around?...amos would be very proud...and phil could still continue to throw back a few...i would be very proud...eat mexican food....that is all...
Unicorns!!! I doesn't in still fear into the other team.
They should have went with something more menacing and frightening than unicorns like the Sarah Palin's.
Schlotzky's makes you buy something? Hmm, just like McD's around here. Can you get away with buying a diet coke or an unsweet tea?
Glad to hear the pounds were scared about your blog post and ran away, lol.
I posted about my nutso hubby last week, but nothing really funny from around these parts.
How's the job situation in Denver? We just might move,because we're tired of not finding anything here...
I've posted a follow-up to the emergency kidney explosion phenomenon.
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