Back after a sold-out run on the Vegas strip, it's PhilOsophy from Phil! Once again, I hand the mic over to Phil Porter, guest blogger and stand-up comedian extraordinaire / husband / father / great-in-the-sack.
------------------
The other day, we watched a show on CMT called "Mobile Home Disaster." While this sounds like a headline from a Kansas newspaper during tornado season, it's actually a program along the lines of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". Except it's about people who live in crappy trailers. Because it's hosted by comedian John Caparulo, Sarah suggested that I should come up with a show that I could host and become a star on one of the many cable outlets that are watched by up to 50 people at a time. So here are some possibilities:
"Extreme Makeover: Screw Up Your House Edition" - Hilarity ensues when I come to your perfectly fine house and try to do a simple project, which goes horribly wrong some time after the first commercial break. If your toilet doesn't overflow, I'm not doing my job!
"Crock-Pot Cookin'" - Watch as I cut up ingredients, throw them in the Crock-Pot, and wait for the magic to happen! This show will last three to four hours on High or six to eight hours on Low.
"Ninja Worrier" - See me gnaw at my fingernails and furrow my brow with worry as Amos attempts to tackle the obstacle course presented by our living room and the even more dangerous challenges to be found in my basement "office." Will the sun ever shine on you, Ninja Worrier? (Subtitled)
"Style My Subaru" - Based on the hits "Pimp My Ride" and "Trick My Truck", this series will show me doing things with our car. I love on "Pimp My Ride" when they put a bowling alley or national park in somebody's car! For the first episode, I'll haul out the pile of papers and empty water bottles that have accumulated during our last few road trips. Wow!
With any luck, one of these shows will be coming to a basic cable channel near you soon. In the meantime, if you want to see me on TV, I'm currently on a few episodes of "Cool Tools" on the DIY Network. Look for me demonstrating a wind-up flashlight on the Power Play episode or on Innovators talking about the Gator Grip socket.
Good times!
8 beautiful people muttered something back:
I don't even HAVE television and I would totally watch these shows.
You know, that is MUCH better than what the bigwigs are coming up at the four major networks. I'd watch! Then again, I am a Food TV, Discovery, TLC and Speed junkie.
You might also consider hosting an Ultimate Farter Championship, or uh, Vapors of Love? Or maybe, the Weakist Stink, where Anne Robinson wrinkles her nose as the contestants with the most impressive flatulence move into the final round. So maybe I'd be the only viewer, but that's what really matters, isn't it?
For me, I would do a Biggest Loser spin-off, but instead of losing weight, I'd lose my keys, or my phone, or my wallet, or my mind. I especially love when I'm actually holding the item for which I'm searching. Other mothers with similar tendencies would compete against me to see who can lose more things in a single day.
I would also do my own version of Hell's Kitchen, but it would really be LIKE hell, as I burned or set fire to one dish after another, then tried unsuccessfully to salvage the remains. The mean host guy could berate me as I attempted to feed the charred food to the neighbor's dog.
So, when do your DIY appearances air?
Argh. So um, Weakest (because I can spell.) And I meant "As for me."
This frickin' beetle is harassing me as I type. I really want to kill it.
ROFL I cannot decide between Crock-Pot Cookin and Ninja Worrier. With subtitles even....it's gotta be good.
You had me laughing so hard at this post I almost lost it :)
OK - Mobile Home disaster? there is now officially a reality show for everything. Stop the madness!
I don't get DIY, but I almost watched Cool Tools while visiting my sister last week. ;D
Whilst Crock-Pot Cookin does sound good, you have to admit that the REAL-LIFE Dutch Oven & Camp Cooking is a much better title.
Post a Comment