Steers and basil. Start computin'.

I don't even know where to start. Let me wipe the laughter-filled tears from my eyes...


So, yes. We are in Lamar, Colorado. Home of the Savages and a gas-station-turned-used-car-dealership full of petrified wood. This has shaped up to be one of the most bizarre weekend adventures we've ever taken. Let's recap the last 24 hours.



Friday: Steers and basil. Start computin'.

We arrived last night at our home away from home, the Holiday Hotel, just before Phil's show. As Phil checked us in, I watched two cowboys practicing their roping skills on a metal "steer" in the parking lot. They saw me watching, then the emboldened buckaroos began to put on quite a show. It's not often you get the chance to see bumbling rodeo antics at a motel. A most excellent start to the trip so far.

Amos and I stayed at the motel while Phil and Bryan Kellen put on their best show for the lackluster crowd full of adults and kids. It may surprise you, but having kids at a comedy show is not really the best idea a parent has ever had. It completely throws off the show, and the comedians must clean up their acts even more than they thought they needed to do. And, there's nothing like a toddler wandering up on stage to make the night go better. So, heed this advice: don't ever bring kids to a comedy show.

Meanwhile, I attempted to find the Internet service as advertised on the motel's sign (alongside the phrase "American-owned"). I asked the front desk about the high-speed connection. Response: "Well, you turn yer computer thing on and start computin'. That's how it works."

Yes, indeed.

Dinner last night was at Thai Spicy Basil, the last bastion of hope for an alternative dining experience from fast food. Apparently, we arrived at closing time. The last patrons left, and we remained as a couple with a baby being stared at threateningly by the staff who wanted to leave. I have never eaten that fast in my life. The food was disappointing and not nearly full of spice or basil as promised. I guess I can't expect fine dishes in the middle of nowhere. We finished our meal when the music was turned off by one menacing staff member, as if we had walked into a saloon and the jukebox came to a screeching halt. Thank you for the welcome, Lamar.

We capped off our night just as anyone visiting a small town should. We toured the Super Wal-Mart. Later, as the intense winds of the plains whipped and tore at our bags full of bargains, we said goodnight under the harsh lights of our American-owned motel.


Next up, stay tuned for: Wave your flag. Little Britches pancakes taste good with cosmic PineSol.