What purpose do I have?

That's the question I keep asking myself. For the past month or longer, my purpose had been to save my father's life. In a strange way, it was my job. Despite whatever logic there is and what Phil tells me, I feel like I failed in that mission. After all, the patient is gone.

So, I am home. Today is surreal. Being away from Texas is surreal. My father being dead? Well, I think you know the way I feel about that.

I think that I've come away from this experience as a very changed person. I see the ways in which I have let others down over the years, and I see the strengths I have that I never knew existed. I hope that for myself there is a renewed purpose to my life. I think there is. There are a million things I need to do now that I am home. I'll make that my purpose now.

Sorry for the sad boohoos. I'm not really right in the head just yet. This is how I felt on the days when nothing was happening. When I wasn't organizing something or someone, or keeping everyone updated, or interpreting the doctors words for my father or my mother... I felt lost. My purpose was lost. I need to find a new way, or I think I might go wacky.

In the meantime, Wilbur the Cat has missed me greatly. She is even more fond of Amos, despite his attempts to grab her and astound her with his ability to crawl. I'm in desperate need of a haircut. Our cupboards are bare. Amos is currently giggling as his father helps him to take awkward steps across the wood floor.

And me?

Well, I'm home. My new life starts here. Whatever it is and wherever it takes me, I think life will be better. My father taught me so many lessons, and the most valuable one of all was given to me when he took his last breath in front of me.

Thank you, Dad. I'll remember.