"Here in the darkness." That's what the cheesy Muzak station song just played. Oh, brother. Has a verse ever been more appropriate?
I'm at Schlotzky's at 281 and Loop 1604 in San Antonio. Sweet, sweet Internet. Life is more complicated, day by day.
The results of my father's angiogram were grim, to say the least. He has three main artery blockages, including the left main. One is completely blocked. The others are described as "severely diseased." His lungs are in horrible shape, littered with emphysema, from years and years of heavy smoking. (Stop smoking, all of you, or I'll hunt you down. You should know better.) There is a possibility of colon cancer. It's just one bad thing after another. Frankly, I'm shocked the man is still alive.
The cardiologist in New Braunfels was so alarmed about my father's health that he moved him into the ICU "just in case." He listed my dad in "critical condition." Then, he requested a transfer to Northeast Baptist Hospital in San Antonio to be evaluated for an emergency heart bypass surgery. Dad was transferred to the new hospital location yesterday. Cardiologists, internists, gastroenterologists, dieticians, and tons of other people have been evaluating him.
At first, it was cut and clear that he would have bypass surgery on Monday. Then, the docs saw the state of his health (extremely malnourished) and decided that operating now would probably kill him. Then, they thought that perhaps a colonoscopy should be done to investigate whether he has colon cancer, to find out why he has been wasting away. There are many reasons why he is so scarily thin, but cancer could be yet another. Today, they decided that he is in such a fragile state with his heart, his skinniness, and his lungs that he might not even survive a colonoscopy (due to sedation).
IT SUCKS, PEOPLE.
I've already been told to prepare the family for the worst, "just in case." Instead of being a walking timebomb, he's a stagnating timebomb since he doesn't walk anymore. I can't believe just how bad off this man is. It's heartbreaking. He didn't tell our family any of his troubles, he hid things, and it took an army of people and me becoming the enemy to get him to treatment. And now, here we are.
If it was just congestive heart failure, we could deal with it. If it was just bypass surgery, we could deal with it. If it was just emphysema... if it was just malnourishment. But all of them? Really?!
The best I can do now is keep him in good spirits while he is pumped and primed with stuff. I had to remove my mom, sister, Amos, and me from his room awhile ago because he was throwing yet another fit about his low-salt diet. He refuses to eat most of the time. He is one of the smartest men I've ever known, but the man who exists there today is a child. One moment, he's incredible and loving. The next, I'm being attacked for unknown reasons. It's just... too... much.
There are brighter sides to the picture, I suppose. Sometimes things are okay. We need a genuine miracle for him to pull through this.
So, uh, how about them San Antonio Spurs? Do you think they'll go all the way this year? Huh? How about those SPURS???!!!!
Sorry, folks. I'm just so incredibly done with all of this. I'm the primary contact for the hospital. I'm the one everyone, including relatives, calls. I take care of my mom, my son, and my dad. I make sure that when he's choking, the nurses take care of him. I'm everything to everyone right now. I'd like a piece of me right now, too.
Good God, I miss Phil.
The upside? My Schlotzky's sandwich was delicious.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Here in the darkness
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20 beautiful people muttered something back:
I've been thinking about you constantly - wondering how things are going. I'm so sorry to hear things are in such a precarious state with your dad.
Yes - I'll help you hunt down and slap patches on everyone who smokes. That includes all kinds of tobacco. It's all poison, legal or not.
There will be a light somewhere in all this... and you are being prayed for daily. I wish I could do more.
much love and peace
J
north east baptist is a great hospital...ive known lots of people that have been through there..i'm sure your dad is getting the best treatment...its so hard to be the strong one...being pulled in all directions...when its all done you can breathe a sigh of relief and realize what a mighty woman you are to many...**still sending love and courage your way**
Oh man, this sounds just horrible. I' so sorry to hear this, but there is always a glimmer of hope here. Once they get him stabilized, and he puts a bit of weight on, then maybe he'll be able to handle the next step.
See if you can talk to the dietician about using fake salt in his food. They have something, but it's ridiculously expensive. The cardiologist or the nutritionist should know what I'm talking about. All I can say is, hospital food is bad enough, but the low salt low fat diet is killer bad. I mean it, every time i end up in the hospital I only eat one thing: a turkey wrap. They can't kill that. Much as they try!
(((((hugs)))))
*goes and finds her flashlight*
Here, honey. You can borrow this.
Thinking of you and wishing I could do more -
Jess
I wish I could tell you how much I understand this. It's been a horrific week here too. Someday I'll be able to tell the story.
Know that I feel you on this one. I sucks beyond the telling. I know, and I'm sorry. :(
Christ. You don't know me from anybody, but some of us have been in a similiar situation too. Just try to stay strong, like you have been doing, because...eh...someone's got to...I have no other advice. Yeah, it totally sucks.
If you want any prayers right now, mine would be for you, as well as your father.
Hoping for that miracle for you. This really sucks and I wish I knew the right words to say.
Just when you think you've had as much piled on you that you can take you get some more piled on you. Thinking of you and your family ... and that miracle.
Sarah, It's scary how much his situation mirrored my mom's, minus the CHF. My mom developed small cell lung cancer and it spread, including a tumor in her colon.
It is hell to watch someone go through this when it was completely preventable. Cigarettes are evil.
If you need to rant and rave (and you will, you're doing it ALL), let me know. I'll email you my cell number. I've walked that walk.
Schlotzky's can make most any day better, but I suppose not this one so much. This sounds so daunting. It sounds like he's in good hands and you're doing as much as he will let you do. It must be maddening, as well as discouraging. But not without hope?
I'm sending good thoughts.
You went to Schlotzsky's without me? How dare you! But seriously, folks, keep up the good work down there. Your mom and dad really appreciate what you're doing, even if they're not telling you.
Sorry to hear about your Dad.
My thoughts are with you and your family. We are all here for you, even though some of us are on the other side of the world.
Take care.
You're doing amazing well under the circumstances! **HUGS** to you across the seas.
most everything has already been said.
Just add me to the list of people sending prayers and good energy you and your Dad's way
Sarah, I'm very sorry for everything you're dealing with now. I know it seems like too great a load for anyone to carry.
But I feel that all those years of wondering why you were so mature for your age as a child was conditioning you to be the strong one in all of this. I know it's unbearable to see your parents so vulnerable, and yet so stubborn, in your dad's case. It's hard to be the one who's looked upon to "solve everything."
Amos is watching his mama taking care of things and he's learning from you. You'd think stressful situations would affect them, but they're so resilient. Now I wish I was still in Texas, so that I could help you.
Sending prayers your way! Hospitals can do a lot for people these days, and it's incredible that you're keeping them in line. That will help to ensure that he's getting the best care.
Love you!
Oh honey!! I am so sorry. I've been thinking about you, and praying for you and your family. NE Baptist is a fantastic hospital.
Praying for you all!!
Lighter note: Yes, Schlotsky's rocks!! But since you're in SA. ... you totally need to hit the Chipotle!! It is the freaking best!!
*drool*
I'm not sure I can comment coherently. Too close to home. I totally understand the one thing piled on another over and over again. Just when you think things couldn't possibly get worse - they do. My heart hurts for you.
Oh, man. Just now read this... been so frazzled by our stuff, I don't get around much. So very sorry to hear the continued bad news. We're praying for the best for you, Sarah, and I've been thinking of you lots.
If you still have my cell # and need someone far away to listen, please use it.
I'm sorry to hear this. Thinking of your and your family.
Just adding myself to the list of people who care about you and what you're dealing with. We're missing you back here in Colorado. Coralyn misses Amos (and his binky). Phil, I swung by a couple of days ago but didn't see the car so I kept walking. We can't find your #, but know we're thinking of you, too. Come by anytime.
Schlotsky's is so yummy. Must be the olives. Hang in there honey. You'll be home soon. And then we'll drink the wine!
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