You will NOT believe what I considered doing this week. Go ahead. Guess. Nope, that's not it. Nope. Not that either. What? Uh uh. Not even close.
I thought about auditioning for "Nashville Star."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Woo! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
I know, I know. What the heck was I thinking?! Is this a midlife crisis?
Do you know what really clouded my judgment?
Tequila.
Tequila is a bad, bad man who lures me into the alley with lollipops and then opens his trenchcoat. He promises me country stardom when I don't even really like country music. And then he shows me the thing he really wanted to show me. Tequila should be hanged.
I was trying to justify the audition bug in me by thinking that I enjoy Americana, folk music, and such, and perhaps I could be the next Gillian Welch or Alison Krauss. Maybe a less twangy Lucinda Williams. I even went so far as to look at the list of approved songs, then download the ones I thought I could sing.
I stayed up until REALLY LATE learning a few songs. Then the tequila wore off, and I realized, "Wuh?! What the heck am I doing?!"
I'm not saying I'm a bad singer. I'm kinda okay but maybe good or not, if I could be so vague. I enjoy singing. I just haven't been workin' the ol' pipes much lately. Also, I'm a 34-year-old new mother with a lot of baggage. Is Nashville looking for Carrie Underwood with a lot of baby weight to lose? I don't think so. (Although Phil says, "Have you SEEN Wynona Judd?!")
It's a nice dream, but I don't think it's my time to croon sad songs about pickup trucks, honky tonks, and pig farms. I think I'd rather be Aretha Franklin's backup singer, just so that I could belt out, "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me..."
Anyone have 'Retha's number?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Ride the mechanical bull, get chafed
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23 beautiful people muttered something back:
Fortune favours the brave....i think.
i was worried when you said, "i do not really like country .."
Dam tequila!!
I was so happy when my kid got assigned Aretha Franklin for black history month. I made them listen to her music for months and months. All three can sing all her best songs by heart. That's what I call good parenting.
I wish there were an Idol contest for old fogies like me. We could sing The Carpenters and Olivia Newton John and I can do a heart felt version of Cher's Half Breed too. Don't forget about Paul Anka and BArry Manilow. The corny possibilities are endless. (You Light Up My Life!) Seriously, it would be hilarious.
Oh, well, I guess my dream of being the next...um...you know, what's his name. Who was married to that famous country singer? I think they had some spats, and he probably drank too much. Yeah, I could've been that guy.
I'm with clickmom - I think we need a contest for us old fogies. I can be "Hopelessly Devoted" and "Knock Three Times" while lighting up your life. Just give me a chance to show what I can do. I bet we'd be more entertaining than "Big Brother."
I was looking through the comments and I was going to agree with Eve and then .. THEN the notion struck me - "BABY BOOMER BIG BROTHER or Viagra meets Menopause". Now THAT would be cool.
I guess this is why karaoke bars are so popular with people who've had a few!
I think you should do it.
So, when will you be here? ;-)
I'd love to do that, I'm a good singer, but I'm putting all my eggs into "The Next Food Network Star" basket.
The backup singers get the better parts to sing. Who wants melody? It's boring. Give me harmony, baby!
Why not go for it?
Tequila brings the best liquid confidence
trying out won't hurt
Gareth - My "brave" comes in the form of tequila with salt, I'm afraid.
Clickmom - Yay for 'Retha! Your kids are quite blessed to have a musically-inclined mom like you.
Hahaha @ "Half Breed".
Phil "crawfish pie" - Do you mean Mooney? You want to be Mooney Lynn? Or the one that Tammy Wynette wanted to D-I-V-O-R-C-E?
Eve - TV marketers obviously have no idea what kind of audience they could tap into. Haha!
LceeL - I'm afraid that if the contestants are anything like my dad, then "Baby Boomer Big Brother" would just be angry folks sitting around complaining about stuff. Oh, wait. That IS "Big Brother." Hahaha.
E - Tequila and its evil liquid brothers are the only reasons I've ever karaoke'd, so I think there is validity in your point.
Lotus - Are you going to offer housing while I warble sad songs? That makes the idea seem way better. Haha.
Suzanne - Well, then! Let's start our own show for backup-singer-cooks! It's a hit!
"Would you like me to pass you the pepper?"
"Yeah yuh! Sock it me, sock it to me, sock it to me..."
Willena - Well, it would take additional tequila for me to show up on Sunday for the audition. Then, additional tequila when my name is called. Sadly, the show is not called "Country's Next Big Drunk Singing Superstar."
Songsinblue - Sure, trying out won't hurt. But the tequila will hurt my liver.
Sarah, you've got yourself a deal. Wait a minute, are you really tall? That'll wreck the look-two redheads one short and one tall? Please tell me you're around 5'3" ish and we'll be a package deal!
Happy Valentine's Day!
I think I need to make you a "there really are happy country songs" mix.
(and I'm stoked-I get out of work early Saturday, just in time to go see Trisha Yearwood at Busch Gardens! She's the reason why I listen to country)
Go for it girl. I'll vote for you... if they allow that. I've never actually watched that show. But good luck! And if you're on, I'll watch.
Did you see 'Retha on the Grammy's? You could definitely hide behind her.
Tequila makes all dreams possible.
True country is like the blues; it's all about heart and experience, and as a mom I imagine you have both of those.
Are you a honky-tonk hero or a singing sensation?
You'll really laugh at me, then! Because I thought about doing it, too.
Except that I don't think I sing well enough, and though country is not my favorite, I seem to sing it best. Sort of.
I would never make it on American Idol because I'm way too old for my age. Not enough drama, or makeup, and I'm not fashionable. So there's that.
But I don't think it's a bad idea! You have a beautiful speaking voice, so I'm sure your singing is amazing - and country music needs more variety.
So do it! I'll vote for you! :-D
Suzanne - Either we'll clash or make a great pair. I'm 5'4" and mostly blondie/brown. The red is making an exit.
Suzanne - If you know of happy country songs, then you have found the Holy Grail. hahahaha.
Amy - Oddly enough, I've never watched the show either. HAHA! Well, actually, I caught a few minutes of it, but then I screwed up my nose and got that remote control finger working again.
Cajunvegan - I hate to diss the 'Retha, but in the last picture I saw of her... I'm pretty sure I could hide behind just one of her breasts. Girl's got GIRTH.
Aurora - Aw, now. Saying stuff like that will only result in me going down there to audition. Stop it! hahaha.
Stephen - Actually, I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas.
Amanda - You need to stop this nonsense about me auditioning. Heheheh. It's not happening. Why? Because I ran out tequila.
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