PhilOsophy - Yesterday Was Tuesday, and It Was Super!

Once again, I hand the mic over to Phil Porter, guest blogger and stand-up comedian extraordinaire / husband / father / great-in-the-sack.

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Yesterday was Super Tuesday, which meant it was caucus day here in Colorado. I admit that I didn’t take part. Honestly, I’m not sure how the whole caucus thing works. It seems like it should involve fat guys in bowler hats smoking cigars in back rooms making deals over glasses of expensive scotch, but I doubt that’s what happens these days since smoking is now banned in most public places. (I guess if you’re part of the secret society that controls everything from behind the scenes, you can probably eat endangered owl chicks while smoking cigars rolled with human skin for wrappers in a day care center if that’s what makes you happy. If you can’t indulge your excessive and bizarre tastes, what’s the point of being in a secret society? Without perks like that, controlling the world would just be a joyless pain in the butt.)

Maybe decisions are made by killing a goat and reading its entrails. Or maybe it’s tea leaves? Was that Barak Obama’s face in the bottom of the glass? Maybe candidates are chosen by looking at the stars and determining which candidate is best based on the position of Saturn. (I bet you thought I’d pick “Uranus” there. Once in a while, I resist the cheap joke. Although “pick Uranus” ain’t exactly high-brow humor.)

You’d think one of these methods, which have been proven to work over thousands of years of practice, would be put into use to select our future leader. But no, it turns out that the caucus basically involves people getting together, discussing the candidates, and selecting the one they feel will best represent their needs. Like that system could possibly work.