Since I am fairly scatterbrained today, here are various items and units that have occurred or have been lodged in my noggin.
- It is snowing, 10 degrees or less outside. Brrrr.
- I want to see UFOs. Damn you, Texas!
- Bought Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. If another comedian's wife can write a book, so can I. Right?
- Installed a window treatment in Amos' room. It makes the room feel instantly nicer and welcoming.
- My left foot is warm. My right foot is cold.
- Watched "Rock of Love" tonight. Snore. Washed-up whores. The French one is slightly interesting but incredibly whorish. Good for you, Bret Michaels.
- My former mentor sent Amos an armadillo hand puppet. He has not warmed up to it. Would you warm up to an armadillo? Phil and I saw one during the daytime. Creepy little buggers.
- Possums are also creepy. We had one under our house in Austin, swinging around on the plumbing under the bathroom.
- The fox is still foxing around our yard. He/she leaves sneaky fox prints everywhere.
- My niece is in the hospital from diabetes type I complications. Please send her your thoughts.
- I would like to meet an alien/gray. Someone call Dennis Kucinich or perhaps Al Gore.
- What are chemtrails? Should I care?
- Sometimes when I trim my big toenails, there is a smell. This is my dirty secret.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Various and asunder
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22 beautiful people muttered something back:
Gosh, after all this time, I can still learn something new about you. I had no idea about this toenail situation. Maybe that's what's keeping the aliens away.
Amos isn't so sure about the armadillo puppet, but he loves the tag on it, which contains a folk tale about armadillos and lightning. I don't know how he feels about the story, but he loves to chew on that tag.
CHEERS FOR THE TOE NAIL COMMENT... not...
Armadillo puppets are strange, Darcy has a toy rat which is the same size as her, (from ratatouille) she likes to chew his nose !!
... and good morning to you too!
10 degrees? Ugh.
Well, I feel so much closer to you now :-)
I hope you saw the movie "Conspiracy Theory". That way, it will make sense when I say to you that I have a friend who makes Mel Gibson's character in that movie look normal. He's all about chemtrails, these days. Supposedly there's some sort of government thing going on where they're spraying chemicals out of high flying jets and we don't know anything about it and it has to do with cancer experiments and we're all lab rats and get your gun the Russians are coming!!!
It's really cold outside, today. I think the government is behind it. They're in league with the OPEC cartel trying to sell more oil and heating oil is going to get scarce and the price is going to go up and there are really vast stores of heating oil hidden away that they're going to sell when the price goes a lot higher and the Administration is going to cash in they all have Swiss bank accounts.
Now, about those aliens ....
Chemtrail or chemical trails from planes have been theorized to serve one, some or all of the following purposes:
Weather control (perhaps to counter the effects of global warming),
Military purposes
Wireless network system component
Sophisticated radar system
Scientific study
Biological warfare
Hegemonic mind control
Occult purposes
You should care, but the mind control won't allow it.
Also, I read this post quickly and read the section about the armadillo hand puppet as, "My former mentor sent us an arm and dildo hand puppet. He has not warmed up to it. Would you warm up to an arm and dildo? Phil and I saw one during the daytime. Creepy little buggers."
After I clip my middle son's toe nails I feel the need to disinfect. He's got the funk too.
Whenever I think of armadillos I think of the "bleedin' armadilla cake" from "Steel Magnolias." Even if they were warm and fuzzy, I think that cake would have put me of the creatures forevermore. Your feet don't stink? Just the big toe nail? Have you checked for fungus? Is it a normal color, or slightly off? As for aliens from space, look around you. Do you think all the weird people you see just happened to show up? I think they've been infiltrating our society for ages and we just don't notice. It's probably the mind-control chemtrails that keep us unaware.
Armadillo puppet? Now that is a strange gift!
10deg sounds cold! It's never even got that cold here during the day.
- I could not survive in Denver. Too cold!
- Why are aliens so attracted to Texas/New Mexico? Don't they realize Cajun food is better than Tex Mex?
- Yes, and if you can't, you could always plagiarize.
- Yay for a cozier room for Amos!
- You are an odd creature. When you buy a pair of socks, you should put one on each foot.
- Now I know what show to tune in to when I need my washed-up whore fix.
- Armadillos are good for growing leprosy. If you tell Amos how valuable they are to society, maybe he will warm up to his new puppet.
- Not sure what good possums are. I'm sure there's something. Remind Amos that at least he did not receive a possum puppet.
- Is this the fox that pooped on your roof? Next time he comes around, yell "Swiper, no swiping!" That usually does the trick.
- Sending prayers for your niece. Is this Michelle's daughter?
- Dennis and I are not acquainted. Al is not returning my phone calls since I admitted that I sleep with the bathroom light on.
- You probably shouldn't. Maybe if your fox was trotting across an oil field before entering your lawn, he would leave a chem-trail.
- I'm disappointed if I trim my toenails, and they don't have an odor. That would mean I didn't harvest them long enough.
-Happy MLK Day!
First of all my thoughts are with your niece.
You have the cold we have the rain. We had a month's worth of rain over the weekend.
Haven't you got to be a Yokel to be abducted?
Stuff falling from plane is some serious shit (pun intended). A house near mine had some severe roof damage because someone thought the sewage was going to land in Lake Michigan. It freezing must have screwed with it's intended target.
I am about to pee my pants reading the comment section. Love the arm and dildo accident. I think I would freak out from a puppet like that too. Also, if you yell swiper no swiping at your fox and he responds Awwww man! You know you have been successful.
1) praying for the niece (which in my case means not praying because I have a reverse-intentions clause with Jesus. Wait, that's confusing. Never mind. What I meant is I am doing what I do with regard to your niece. All should turn out well.
2) feet are gross - it's fine if yours toes smell weird
3) window treatments are excellent
what is it about the feet..? :) my right one is cold... left one not sooo much?
ohh hand I will be sending your neice get well thoughts! poor sweetie!
I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how I got here, but no matter. You are hilarious. I love the "outed" American Idol thing. We went through that a year or so ago. Go figure. And what a gorgeous family you have! Okay, now let me bookmark you in case I get lost in the woods.
LOL!
Phil "got probed" - I'm glad I had at least one secret you didn't know. I'm keepin' it real, baby.
Gareth - Do not besmirch my stinky toes! I suppose long-nosed puppets are excellent chew toys. Amos has discovered the armadillo nose as well.
Rachel - I'm so happy that my stinky toes and freezing temperatures have allowed you to be closer to me!
LceeL - Damn chemtrails! Now I'm scanning the skies for falling poop and poison. I shake my fists at the people who turn me into a paranoid freak after reading their conspiracy theories.
Gathen - Thank you for the lesson! I wonder how many others will admit to reading "dildo" in this blog. Also, now thanks to you, Google searches for "dildo" will lead the porn freaks to my website.
Clickmom - Yuck! Now I'm really starting to feel self-conscious about my stink foot. Haha.
Eve - You are wise in the ways of stink foot and conspiracies. When I get probed, I'll be sure to seek your wisdom!
Jenty - Ten degrees is cold anywhere. It is unreasonably cold. It is rudely cold. As for the armadillo puppet, my lady mentor has an incredible sense of humor. The puppet just makes me love her more!
Amanda - I love you because you joust and joke with me over every single bullet point. Also, your knowledge of armadillo leprosy makes me want to lick you.
Stephen - You are very kind. Thank ya.
As for being a yokel, that is probably a requirement of abduction scenarios. Lucky for me, I come from a long line of yokels. Come and get me, you big-eyed freaks!
Bonnie - Bleah! In regard to chemtrails, I read about fecal matter falling from the skies as well as dried blood. Bleah! Please let it not be true...
*covers head with Lysol and a hat*
Kim - Amanda has now schooled me on the fact that the swiper thing is from Dora the Explorer. I know not these things. Argh.
Embrace the armadillo, Kim! After all, it should be Texas' state animal, or at the very least, Texas' state leprosy carrier.
Nina - Thank ya for the good vibes! She's doing great now. Also, I'm happy you will not be smelling my feet. I don't dig on foot smellers. haha.
Mojavi - Thank ya for the good thoughts! I cannot explain foot temperatures. I always have cold extremities. Sometimes my hands/feet are so cold, Phil says that I have brought ice cube trays into bed with me.
Kellypea - Yay! Woohoo!
You can reach me by railway. You can reach me by trailway. You can reach me on an airplane. You can reach me with your mind. You can reach me by caravan. Cross the desert like an Arab man.
I don't care how you get here, just- get here if you can.
justmylife - Ha! Glad I could entertain you.
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