Once again, I hand the mic over to Phil Porter, guest blogger and stand-up comedian extraordinaire/husband/father/great-in-the-sack.
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I was going to write an informed, literate, and well-researched commentary about the many issues of great import to Modern Man, but now that we’ve outed ourselves as "American Idol" watchers and fans of "Rock of Love", we might as well just write about nothing else since nothing else is nearly as exciting.
Maybe if Simon was allowed to critique the presidential debates, more people would watch. “Sorry, Fred Thompson, that just seems a bit cabaret.” “Dennis Kucinich, did you really think you had a chance to be the next American Idol?” Actually, the "American Idol" model would work really well. The campaign would only last about eight weeks, somebody could get voted off each time, and when the candidates aren’t on the air, they’d be squirreled away in a hotel where we wouldn’t have to hear about them. They could replace Simon with Bill O’Reilly, Randy with Wolf Blitzer, and Paula with Soledad O’Brien. Get on it, Fox News!
In Idol-related news, Dreyer’s is offering five Idol-themed ice cream flavors. The obvious question is: why aren’t they doing the same for "Rock of Love"? Who wouldn’t want to slurp down a big bowl of Skankies ‘n’ Cream or Creepy Chick Chocolate Chunk? And a nice serving of
One other thing I should note: While we watched almost every episode of "American Idol" last season, I honestly cannot remember who the winner was. I remember creepy Phil Stacey, the fat Jack Osbourne guy, and the beat-boxer dude, but I really can’t picture who the winner was. And, I’m not going to look it up. So maybe there’s hope for me yet.
8 beautiful people muttered something back:
I am amazed with your ability to create new programming that will benefit all Americans. Although, I think you ripped the idea off of that horrible Hugh Grant movie where he is the Ryan Seacrest/Simon Cowell fellow who arranges for the president to be a guest on the show. BUT, you took the idea one step further. Excellent, Mr. Porter. Excellent.
I love that my hair metal days have come back in reality TV form. I'm now able to watch Bret Michaels on his skank show, CeCe Deville on "Surreal Life", Janie Lane on "Celebrity Fit Club", and Sebastian Bach and Scotty Ian from Anthrax in whatever that super band show was. That show also gave me a bit of my Ted Nugent fix, famous for winking at me at an outdoor Austin festival. Ah, the days... Now, if only Tesla would do "Survivor" (or hey! What about Survivor doing "Survivor"!).
I would totally watch the presidential debates if they were in Idol format.
I could totally get behind a presidential election handled like American Idol. I really like the 8-week limit on the whole thing and lock them away in between shows. I get really tired of looking at/hearing about the candidates.
"Bandana Split"!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA funny stuff, Phil
Randy Jackson..."hey Barack...you're goin' to Hollywood, dawg."
HAHAHAHAHAHA
hee hee hee....bandana split...
whisper: Jordan Sparks
(Closet idol watcher too, but Ipretend I only do it because my kids want to.)
I don't think any of the presidential candidates have the 'yo' factor.
I think if I saw Wolf Blitzer shake his hand and shout 'yo, dawg, that was hot!' - I would probably become ill.
I don't think Soledad is disgustly sweet enough to take Paula's place. I also suspect that she could remain sober at least for a live broadcast show, even the 2-hour segments.
Don't even get me started on Bill O'Reilly. I will watch Simon any day. Now, if you replaced Ryan Seacrest with uh, Anderson Cooper, that would be very 'yo.'
Possibly enough for me to watch Hillary perform a rendition of Moon River. Or Barack, a version of Gettin' Jiggy Wit It. Though Dennis Kucinich may be the only candidate to benefit from this format. He could be the next Willaim Hung of politics.
disgustingly, too.
I've always liked the notion of candidates for office fighting it out in the manner of American Gladiator. I can just see Hillary Clinton vs Barack Obama vs John McCain vs Mike Huckabee in a big free-for-all - with pugil sticks. and no helmets - helmets are for amateurs.
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