Once again, I hand the mic over to Phil Porter, guest blogger and stand-up comedian extraordinaire / husband / father / great-in-the-sack.
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It’s only been a few days, but I thought you might want to know our status regarding aliens and abductions and such. Currently, neither Sarah nor I have been abducted. Not once. Of course, Monday was way too cold to go anywhere that would put us in the alien’s path, and yesterday found us pretty much safe and sound here at the compound as well. I managed to avoid any unwanted probing when I went to pick up Chinese food.
It would have been weird if I had walked into the Chinese restaurant and said, “I’m here for my food,” and then they said, “It was ready two hours ago,” and I’d be like, “Wha? I just called it in fifteen minutes ago.” And they’d be all, “Oh, you probably got abducted by an alien or something and lost that time. Do you want us to reheat the General Tsao’s Chicken?” But that didn’t happen, so it doesn’t really matter, and the chicken and egg drop soup were hot and delicious when I made it safely home.
We also haven’t seen any Bigfoots. I keep checking the snow in the backyard for prints, but mostly it’s just cats, squirrels, and possibly the fox. We probably need to be putting more appealing Bigfoot food into the compost pile. Maybe Bigfoot only eats if it’s steak or chicken. (The steak and chicken reference is a hilarious Porter family joke that wouldn’t really be funny if I bothered to explain it, so just smile and laugh like you know what’s going on.)
9 beautiful people muttered something back:
You will have to google "Bigfoot's top five favourite foods" I'm sure it will come up with something.
I feel like your point behind this is to let the world know that cats, squirrels, and foxes CAN in fact live in harmony. Well done Porter. Didn't even see it coming.
I want Chinese food.
I refuse to pretend to understand your joke! You must revise this blog to explain!
Remember, it's only an inside joke when someone is left out. :-D
You will never see an alien. You have all your teeth, you speak good English, you don't have a still in the back forty and your family tree has all the forks in the right places.
I don't know about aliens, but I had a very good friend who used to live near Mt St Helens (before it blew its top). Said friend's father had a picture of Bigfoot taken when the big guy came walking through the yard one day. My friend's father did, from time to time, drink a bit too much, but I don't think that had any affect on the picture.
Excellent suggestion, Stephen. If the Internet can't help me feed Bigfoot, what can?
Yes, Matt, you picked up the subtext. I'll send an extra helping of Bigfoot food your way as a prize along with Amanda's Chinese food.
And I will, too, see an alien some day. Probably at the bottom of a bottle of cheap whiskey, like where Eve's friend's father found Bigfoot.
Wait just a minute, why does Matt get the Chinese food? Just because I objected to an inside joke reference on a public forum. Sheesh.
Amanda - I'll get you some Chinese food. Dim sum? Moo Goo Gai Pan?
Hahaha. I'm easily pleased! I just want some hot & sour soup. Maybe an egg roll.
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