I will beet you

Confession # 546:


I don't cook.


Well, I DO cook, but not often. Phil does most of the cooking. That basically means that he is The Shit. We've discovered that it isn't that I can't cook, it's that I wasn't really encouraged to embrace the pan and spatula or chop things with feverish delight. In my parents' home, my mother was quite adamant about no one disturbing her in "her kitchen." I always felt or was made to feel as if I was in the way. That kind of atmosphere is not conducive to creating budding chefs.

I am, however, quite the breakfast maker. I make incredible omelets. I can bake quite well. I've yet to tackle biscuits and gravy, but I want to.

In my quest this year to become a better person in many arenas, I am going to become a better, more frequent Queen of the Kitchen. To assist me in this endeavor, I purchased several gadgets and doodads. The first item is Deceptively Delicious, a new cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld (yes, wife to Jerry). If some other comedian's wife can cook, so can I (although, there is rumor that she has a personal chef and nanny, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage). This book emphasizes "sneaking" veggies in the form of purees into everyday foods, such as meatloaf, chicken nuggets, French toast, and mac n' cheese. I don't want to fool us into eating veggies, because we already chew these delightful things. I just want to add more veg to our diet and have more home-cooked meals. And, I want to make baby food for Amos, so the purees will go into all of our bellies.

So, our big Saturday night date was to purchase a food processor, potato masher, new spatulas, omelet pan, and a cute apron for little ol' me. Adorable chefs need adorable aprons, no? We finished the night with a snack of Taco Bell (hey, our fridge was empty) eaten in the car followed by a trip to Sunflower Market, an affordable conventional and organic grocery store. I purchased a ton of fresh veg, including things we've never prepared before.

I bought organic beets. Fresh beets. But, we didn't know which beets to buy. The golden beets or the red beets? The smaller bunches or the big daddies? I asked the produce guys. They didn't know, but they referred me to their handy-dandy veg book. Once I found the best beets imaginable, I was covered in dirt. I washed my hands with splashes of water drops on the parsley. I found it quite funny to be covered in garden dirt in the middle of a grocery store. There is a great deal of green leafy matter at the top of our beets, and as the lucky would have it, we can cook the greens as well. As soon as we got home, Phil and I referred to the Joy of Cooking, our bible of foods and their preparations. We are incredible nerds because we are giddy to cook up these odd little beets and their greens.

Oh, and what are we going to do with the beet puree? Chocolate cake. Yeah, you heard me.

My fridge is now packed to the gills with food. Tomorrow, I will wrap myself in my adorable new apron. I will roast, steam, chop, and puree. The purees will be saved in the fridge and freezer for the coming week's meals.

I am Martha Stewart, without the house arrest ankle bracelet.

It's a good thing.