Creepy McCreeperton

To continue my theme of disjointed thought from yesterday, I am dedicating today to watching the History Channel and their insistence of presenting Big Foot, giant black cats, and dog-killing beasts as "history" in their series "Monsterquest". After that, I will finish with an aperitif of "Life After People," a show dedicated to how Earth will be if every human is wiped out. I surmise the aforementioned black cats and Big Foot will rule the planet, with the chupacabra as jester of the court. No?

I'm really enjoying the wild-eyed re-enactment of "an old feller" in West Virginia shootin' a black panther way back yonder. Thank you, History Channel, for perpetuating the idea that West Virginians are the most inbred folks on the planet. "You dag'gone right!"

I'm not saying I don't believe in these things. I just don't enjoy the way they are presented at times. My father has seen things that are odd, and his stories at times seem fantastical. But, I believe him. He may be a good ol' boy from backwoods East Texas, but he's a reliable and credible source, in my humble opinion.

After my grandparents died, my dad and his brothers watched over the old homestead in East Texas. Because people weren't around all the time, the place was sometimes falling into disrepair and was attracting wildlife. My dad and uncles had a few encounters that were less than savory. The worst encounters involved big, black cats. Cats the size of panthers or jaguars. BIG cats. It may have been one, or maybe several. All they know is that it was big, black, and it was eating dogs. Many neighbors had complained of losing dogs, and my grandmother's own dogs had gone missing as well.

We heard the cry of a big cat somewhere in the back woods one day, so I know something is out there in the piney woods. My uncle was at the homestead alone one day, and he walked toward the old chicken coop. Inside the fallen down fenced area, a big black cat was staring at him. It hissed at him. He froze. He could see how big the cat was. He slowly backed away from the area and made it to the car. Later that night, he called my father and said, "I believe you."

This History Channel show interviewed people in Palestine, Texas who reported the same thing (Palestine is in East Texas). They interviewed some hick in Oklahoma who lost goats and a llama to the "big cat." My father had the hardest time getting the Parks and Wildlife division to believe him, even though they say on this show that most of their calls are about big, black cats. Don't believe the hicks, folks. They live in trailers and get abducted all the time, probably by the chupacabra.

Another show from today focused on giant, man-eating fish. It includes tales of grabbing or grappling with catfish in order to catch them. The guy on this giant fish show is talking about how he uses this technique to catch large catfish. He gets in the water, sticks his hand under fallen trees or rocks, then inserts his hand into the mouth of a catfish hiding under that object. He proceeds to pull out the 50-lb catfish with his bare hands. Does he use it to catch catfish the size of cars? No. But, according to my dad, there are people who dived to the bottom of Lake O' the Pines in East Texas and have come face to face with car-sized catfish. He claims to have witnessed one when he was part of a film crew that dived deep into the lake. (My father was a filmmaker in his younger years.)

This show is focusing on Cambodian giant catfish, one of which was found to be 9 feet long and over 650 lbs. There are stories about them eating children. One giant, Cambodian catfish washed ashore and was found with a child sticking out of its mouth. It apparently choked on the 60-lb boy.

Is this stuff real? I think so, sometimes. I say this from the stance of someone with a biology degree and from the point of view of a backwoods hick's daughter. It's not impossible to think of large cats roaming the southern states. Jaguars once roamed the southern states and were thought to have been hunted to extinction to protect farms and ranches. Animals are incredibly resourceful creatures. Cats in particular are quite stealthy. And, big black cats have been shown to exist, especially in South America.

I don't think that every tall tale is true. Some have merit. Some don't. I think it's difficult to prove the existence of anything that doesn't want to be found. Nocturnal cats are not easy to find. Deepwater, giant fish are just that: deepwater. What I find more interesting than the existence or nonexistence of these creatures is the assumption by people that they can't possibly exist. They can't be there just because one individual - you, me, or that guy over there - hasn't seen it. If it wasn't shown on the 5 o'clock news or posted on YouTube... well, gosh darn it.... it ain't there.

Wouldn't it be great to be in the mind of a giant catfish deep at the bottom of a lake? The giant, catfish is just swimming around, eating muck. Then suddenly, a light approaches. The fish has never seen a bright light underwater before. Surely, this must be an alien from another world! The alien approaches and attacks by poking a stick at the fish or perhaps inserting its strange, long "fins" into the fish's mouth. What are these long fins! Why are they in my mouth! If I were that fish, I would either attack or faint.

Can fish faint? Perhaps that is what the History Channel should explore next...