1. I'm feeling very hormonal and am bound to lash out at everything and everyone.
2. Amos won't eat today. I seriously want to sell him to the gypsies.
3. It snowed again today. We should be sledding, but instead, I want to eat a loaf of bread and all chocolate that exists and will ever exist.
4. So much bad TV to choose from, I can't even stand it! Hello, Coach Carter and Along Came a Spider!
5. We have reached critical mass with our dirty laundry. I am wearing Phil's britches that must have belonged to an 8-foot clown. I can't even tell I'm wearing them. That's how large the legs are.
6. The fox is still lurking in my neighborhood. Its tail fell off in my yard. I think I need to have a talk with the fox about personal belongings.
7. I should be staring at the mirror again and obsessing over my bloated face and deformed post-baby belly, or perhaps my chin hairs.
8. Billy Blanks is staring at me from the 5-DVD set of Tae Bo, and he's seriously pissed at me.
9. I have a letter in my head ready to be mailed to the lying liars who make Midol Extended Relief for up to 12 Hours.
10. My dining and living rooms have become a jungle gym, complete with tumbling mat. I need to investigate if my gymnastics instructor certificate is up to date. Otherwise, I am running an illegal ring for emaciated Russian girls and 6-month-old babies. Bella Karolyi is pissed.
11. I am below my laughing quotient for the day. My chuckles range outside of the Venn Diagram of the union of A and B.
12. The Jerk Store called, and they're out of me.
13. I need to play Penguin Bowling with the self-starved infant.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
13 Reasons Why I Shouldn't Be Writing This
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25 beautiful people muttered something back:
Yikes! Am I in trouble if I admit I laughed heartily at this blog? Does it make you feel any better that I got mad at my eyebrows yesterday, and I shaved/tweezed them down to near nothingness?
Yay for hormones!
Hormones? Lashing out? Gosh, I hadn't even hardly noticed. I must have been distracted by how fetching you look in the giant clown pants. Maybe that's the official costume of choice in the Penguin Bowling League.
Now if you'll excuse me, perhaps I should be making you a chocolate sandwich. Will that be with chocolate syrup or without?
Amanda - Only if you laughed AT me, rather than WITH me. Otherwise, it's the box for you and your brow-less face.
Phil "dug a hole in the shed" - Your innocence astounds me. You already know that I require copious amounts of surrrup.
Oh man! I just shoved a piece of chocolate fudge into my face hole. And, this holiday season, I have traded my cute little summer time jeans for my own version of clown pants, a pair of pink flannel pants. So, I feel ya!
And of course I didn't laugh AT you. And what is this fox you speak of?
Hormones? They would be those things that keep me sweet as pie one minute and ready to murder Nat the next.
You have gypsies? Please, send them my way. I need a troop of them here for Amy.
Chocolate. mmmmmmm 'nuff said.
I have been there with the dirty laundry. Am slack, will do better next year. Maybe.
Amanda - Don't taunt me with your chocolate! Send it to me NOW.
Here is the start of the fox story: foxy lady
I guess I should update that soon.
Veronica - Yes. That would be the sad effect of hormones. You know, this is the one thing I miss about being pregnant. Pregnancy really evened me out. It made me happy and even-tempered. Who knew that TOO MANY hormones would make me jolly?!
Apart from the reasons above, how have your Christmas been?
I worked on the set of Along Came a Spider as a Key Grip so my residual check will go up a few cents if you watch that instead of Coach Carter. Billy Blanks is a great name for a sterile porn star. Bella Karoyli defected to the united states back in 1994 so as long as your students are Russian and not American we won't give a shit. I've got a rain check for your make and model from my local Jerk Store but they tell me you're on back order and won't be restocked until mid-January at the earliest. Morgan Freeman incidentally is currently leading the Penguin Bowling league with an average of 217. The only fox in your neighborhood is you ... ;)
I think bgathen is hilarious! HAHAHAHA! I just wanted to share that.
Also, I remember reading foxy lady now. D'oh, I am a dork. And yes, you are a fox! Rawr!
Oh my god. A chocolate sandwich? Genius. Why didn't I think of that?
Hydes
*mouth full* "mmph-oh yeah, mpphh--hope you get--smack--the rest, oh man that's good!--worked out, mmmpphh."
Don't even worry about the post baby belly until the new year when all the temptations of the season are no longer around. Have you tried the chocolate nutella with honey on a sandwich? Delish!
Hello - did someone say Nutella?
That's why we live in the frozen west/midwest - because game is off in winter. If we lived in the sunny boring places, we'd have to fit into cute pants all year round. I vote for clown pants and nutella. Life is short.
I feel your hormones. I spent 4 days indoors at christmas with the crud and then the snow came. Cabin Fever ? I'm to the cannibal stage.
but I did manage to completely reconfig my home computer and make it work again...so at least I can read yer blogs :)
I agree with all things nutella, and the funny of bgathen.
And I am so freakin' wrong on the mood scale lately that all people and things in my vicinity are in danger of harm at any time, and at any given moment, I am struggling to hold in a torrent of tourette's like cursewords and loud barking noises.
So... let's go out in public together and cause a scene. It might be fun.
You say 'feeling very hormonal' like that's a bad thing??!! :) You know, with the proper sarcasm involved, the hormonal-ness might actually help you meet your laughing quotient for the day. Work with what you got, babe...work with what you got. :)
Stephen - It's nice that you look on the bright side. Christmas was pretty darn great, with Amos getting lots of gifts and then going sledding for the first time. He made Christmas mean something again.
Bill Gathen - Lucky for you, I had Along Came a Spider on mute, so rest assured you will receive your residuals. I didn't realize my Jerk Store model was in such high demand. Yay for me!
The only fox in the 'hood is me? Keep that up, and I'll have to put you in my pocket and pet you forever and ever. Ha!
Amanda - Ah, how I've missed you! Yes, Bill Gathen is a gem. I think he should come up with Bill Gathen dolls that say compliments whenever you shake them. I'd also like to request the Amanda doll.
HH - Yup. Phil is a genius when he is trying to calm the beast. His chocolate inventions are marvelous!
Kim - Hmm. I have not tried Nutella - ever. Perhaps I am missing out on a delicious treat?
Judy - Are you healthy again? I'm not sure Phil left you any turkey. Sometimes he stands with the fridge door open, and just gnaws on turkey bits.
Lotus - Hmm. A public indecency spectacle from the two of us would surely be something to behold. I say we do that next year instead of caroling.
Suzanne - You are correct, lady! Sometimes my hormones create more fun than not. It's the 'not' that is less than enjoyable.
a lil snow would be interesting..since we get none...i finished about 12 loads of laundry in less than 2 days...and have about 5 more to go...are u sure its hormones and not just all the yucky christmas hoohah?...welcome to hell...
omg....u MUST have nutella...i hear some people eat it like peanut butter...i just like eating straight from the jar...
How does a fox's tail fall off? The mystery! Oh, Sarah, the quandaries and queries you raise!
And oh, a recipe...
Shave chocolate from a chocolate bar with a vegetable peeler onto a piece of crusty bread until the bread is covered in chocolate shavings-- I like sourdough or baguette. Run under broiler until melty. Sprinkle with course salt. Eat. Repeat.
lol. I saw a picture of your yummy soap on weely winners or something like that and followed your link. glad I did, thanks for the laugh. I'm bookmarking you so I'll be bakc. Happy New Year to you and yours!!
Yay for L's picture of your soap earning you a new subscriber!
I'm confused about calling it yummy, though. Is it edible? If so, why haven't I purchased any yet?
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