Tonight, it's just us chickens. Phil has run away to Nebraska with a tall black man. I knew he'd leave someday, but leave me for a tall black man and the plains of Nebraska? I'm not sure anyone could have predicted that.
Truthfully, Phil is doing his comedy stuff with the always entertaining J Marc, who may or may not be the father of my child. I'll never tell (click on the lil' speaker thingy). They are destined to entertain the Velcro-loving masses of Lexington, Nebraska. Why do they love Velcro so much? Because it was invented there. They even have a museum(*) dedicated to Velcro. Do you understand now why I am so disappointed that I didn't go on this trip? I could have toured a museum dedicated to sticky things with Phil and my Baby Daddy.
So, us being the only chickens around, Amos and I strutted about the hen house and then broke free of the pen and pecked around the neighborhood. He cooed at the ridiculous trees while I huffed and puffed with his body strapped to me. Halfway through the walk, Amos fell asleep. His head was droopy, so I had to hoist it against my chest. People throughout the 'hood adored His Sleepiness as we passed by.
What will we do while Phil is gone? Hmm... We could run wild with scissors. I know Amos likes to do that. I could maybe tape him to the dartboard and practice my mad skillz as a knife thrower. Thing is, the dartboard doesn't spin around, so I may need to put off that activity.
I'm running with scissors! I'm running with scissors!
* I've since discovered that the Velcro museum may be an urban myth perpetuated by some other chick's blog. Argh! Wikipedia has this to say about Velcro.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Ain't nobody here but us chickens
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14 beautiful people muttered something back:
You could always get on AIM and encourage me to post something before midnight before throwing knives at your child....
Bill - I'm sure you are capable of finding topics on your own.
"One... two... three... FOURFIVESIX!"
You could eat cheese. Copious amounts of cheese. Cheese is good. Feed Amos cheese?
You need to get the dartboard to spin, where is the challenge in throwing knives at him if the dartboard doesn't move.
Well, you can imagine my surprise upon coming home to find you with one eye poked out and Amos strapped to the spinning dartboard. Who's going to clean this mess up? The good folks of Lexington, Nebraska, were quite entertained by the comedy shenanigans, even though none of them had heard of the Velcro museum.
no Velcro museum? How will Amos learn the history of sneakers for the lazy? How will we know where the cool ski holder thingys originated?
I vote for a white-out museum.
Don't spin Amos until his 2nd birthday, then he'll make a fine target :)
Velcro rules! The girls' latest sneakers have two pairs of laces to tie - serves me right for letting a 2 year old choose.
Watch those scissors. My girlie's best friend just cut herself a lovely mullet when her mom wasn't watching.
Lotus - You count fast.
Veronica - We already did that. We laid waste to a 6-lb block of cheddar. Now what?
Stephen - Exactly. A baby strapped to a nonmoving surface is no challenge. Am I right, or am I right?
Phil "done got there" - That's what you are here for: to clean up my crimes.
Judy - I KNOW, right? I can't educate my son if the Velcro museum just vanishes into lore. If we visit the White-Out museum, would it include meeting a Monkee? Would it erase us from existing?
Karen MEG - Laces are the work of the devil. It took me longer than most kids to learn how to tie them.
Oh, man. Mullets rule! (Hopefully, it will grow out...)
PS: That was a quote from The Jerk, the knive throwing scene. ;-)
Perhaps Phil is scoping out getting a Velcro wall installed in the house for when your adorable child will not STAY when you need him to?
Velcro walls and velcro pants-child that stays where you put them!
Lotus - Ah. I thought it sounded familiar. I'm one of the few people I know who has seen "The Jerk" but has not memorized every line. Haha.
Suzanne - You are a GENIUS! Must get this Velcro wall...
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