"Hard to believe that Jon Bon Jovi has only screwed someone named Dorothea all these years."
"Are you sure?"
"Well, let's consult Metal Sludge."
Moments later...
"Says here, 'Back in the day Jon was a huge slut but he's chilled out a little. Jon has an average size cock and like a lot of guys prefers to receive oral than give it. He has good rhythm though and will even wear 2 condoms if you ask him to.'"
"That's bullshit."
"What do you mean?"
"Everyone knows that if you wear two condoms that friction works against you, and they are more likely to break."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Um. No. Where did you get this fact?"
"On the street."
"Which street and what decade?"
"I don't know. It's just a fact."
"Before you knew me?"
"It's just a fact. It's physics. Ask Stephen Hawking."
"Um. Okay."
In Stephen Hawking computer voice: "It is a fact that two condoms create enough friction to break the condoms."
"Well, then."
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Actual conversations, Part Two
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
17 beautiful people muttered something back:
No, I said that two condoms create Quarks, but maybe blog readers aren't ready for that kind of advanced physics. And if you shoot your baby load into a black hole, who knows how many women will get pregnant? Nobody knows! We're totally through the Looking Glass here, people!
But seriously teens, two condoms are more likely to break than one. Look it up. Be safe out there.
Though I don't have any practical knowledge on "doubling up," I think I tend to agree. Seems like the extra friction could make the material more likely to break.
Though now I'm tempted to try some "controlled experiments," if you know what I mean.
Well, since I am without child, I can say that 2 condoms is an okay thing. I made my first wear 2 condoms. I was terrified of getting knocked up. (no pun intended)
(I need to stay up late more often and catch these blogs in action!)
And NEVER use vaseline. Vaseline will make a condom break.
Honey is bad too. Never use hiney as lube. Even if it does sound kinky. JUST SAY NO! (or wax EVERYTHING)
Honey*** not hiney. Hiney just sounds weird.
I'm finding it far too amusing that the comments area has become a section for sage advice on contraception.
Well, I must say, this is the most educational post I have read all day. Which might mean, I need to update my google reader. No, seriously, funny stuff.
In the name of NaBloPoMo, you have been tagged. Take a look at my blog...
Metal Sludge, you say? Now I'll NEVER get off teh internets...
Love your writing! :)
xoSMJ
That is funny! I just watched a rerun of SNL last night where Bon Jovi hosted too.
I'd recently heard that about the double condom thing too. Don't ask me where I heard it. It was probably on a radio STD commercial. Or anti-STD commercial, that is.
Veronica- hiney as a lube - that was classic!
Damn, I have no interesting contraception tips to offer.
This was too funny. Especially the stuff voiced by Stephen Hawking.
lol this was HILARIOUS!!!
Phil "street smarts" - I was too drunk to remember "quarks". I apologize for ruining your fabulous joke. Also, your PSA is sure to get the teens to listen.
Jon Deal - The other night on Letterman, Dave asked Sue Johannsen (the sex lady on the Oxygen channel) "Sex is all about friction, right?" We might be on to something here...
Heather - Hmm. See, Phil said that two condoms create friction so that they are more likely to break. Perhaps not all the time, but more often than one breaking on its own. So, perhaps you are the lucky one? The sex gods smiled fondly at you that night.
Veronica - Such sage advice! I will be careful from now on with my hiney lube.
Chantelle - I'm all about getting the learnin' out on the street. Heheh.
Salty Miss Jill - Tagged? Eh? Er. Oh, alright.
Two years ago, I think I spent three whole days reading Metal Sludge. Now I must read again with all of the fabulous updates.
Karen MEG - Yup, SNL inspired this conversation. Robot horse?
Alejna - Any time you can get Stephen Hawking involved, it equals comedy gold. Hahahaha.
Elissa - Thank ya! Can you believe we have conversations like this pretty much all the time? We Porters = wacky.
Alrighty then. Never even heard of the idea of using 2 condoms!
I like to throw caution to the wind and just use no condoms. Yay STDs!
Don't know about doubling up the condom, so no help there. My neice LOVES Jon Bon Jovi, she would be pleased to read that he is well endowed. She is 17 and is really interested in those facts!!!
Post a Comment